Montage, Part 2: Nothing

So excited because I'm gonna go to the high school of performing arts!

I mean, I was dying to be a serious actress

Anyway, it's the first day of acting class and we're in the auditorium and the teacher, Mr. Karp

Oh, Mr Karp

Anyway, he puts us up on the stage with our legs around each other, one in back of the other

And he says, "Okay, we're gonna do improvisations

Now, you're on a bobsled

It's snowing out, and it's cold

Okay, go"

Every day for a week we would try to feel the motion

Feel the motion

Down the hill

Every day for a week we would try to hear the wind rush

Hear the wind rush

Feel the chill

And I dug right down to the bottom of my soul to see what I had inside

Yes, I dug right down to the bottom of my soul

And I tried, I tried!

And everybody's going "Woosh! Woosh!

I feel the snow, I feel the cold, I feel the air!"

And Karp turns to me, and he says

"Okay Morales, what did you feel?"

And I said

"Nothing, I'm feeling nothing"

And he said

"Nothing could get a girl transferred"

They all felt something

But I felt nothing

Except the feeling that this bullshit was absurd

But I said to myself, "Hey, it's only the first week

Maybe it's genetic!

They don't have bobsleds in San Juan"

Second week!

More advanced and we had to be a table

Be a sports car

Ice cream cone

Mr. Karp, he would say "Very good!

Except Morales

Try Morales

All alone "

So I dug right down to the bottom of my soul

To see how an ice cream felt

Yes, I dug right down to the bottom of my soul

And I tried to melt

The kids yelled "Nothing!"

They called me "nothing"

And Karp allowed it

Which really makes me burn

They were so helpful

They called me hopeless

Until I really didn't know where else to turn

And Karp kept saying

"Morales, I think you should transfer to Girls High

You'll never be an actress, never"

Jesus Christ!

Went to church

Praying "Santa Maria, send me guidance!

Send me guidance"

On my knees

Went to church

Praying "Santa Maria, help me feel it!

Help me feel it

Pretty please"

And a voice from down at the bottom of my soul came up to the top of my head

And the voice from down at the bottom of my soul

Here is what it said

"This man is nothing!

This course is nothing!

If you want something, go find a better class

And when you find one

You'll be an actress"

And I assure you that's what finally came to pass

Six months later I heard that Karp had died

And I dug right down to the bottom of my soul

And cried

'Cause I felt

Nothing

I mean I didn't want him to die or anything but-

The summer I turned fifteen I lied about my age

So I could join AGVA

You know, the night club union

'Cause I could make sixty dollars a week

Workin' these strip joints outside of Kansas City

I worked this one club for about eight weeks straight

And I really became friendly with this stripper

Her name was Lola Latores

And her dynamic twin forty-fours

Well, she really took to me

I mean, we did share the only dressing room and she did a lot of dressing

Anyway, she used to come and pick me up

And drive me to work nights

Well, the neighbors would all be hanging outside their windows

And she'd drive up in her big pink Cadillac

Convertible

And smile

And then I'd come tripping out of my house

With my little tuxedo on and my tap shoes in my hand

And we'd just take off down the block-

Goodbye twelve (With her long)

Goodbye thirteen (flaming, red hair)

Hello, love! (just blowing in the wind!)

Why do I pay for all those lessons?

Dance for Grandma!

Dance for Grandma!

My God, that Steve McQueen's real sexy!

Bob Goulet out!

Steve McQueen in!

You cannot go to the movies until you finish your homework!

Wash the car!

Stop picking your nose!

Oh darling, you're not old enough to wear a bra

You've got nothing to hold it up!

Locked in the bathroom with Peyton Place

Tits! When am I gonna grow tits?

If Troy Donahue could be a movie star, then I could be a movie star

Well, when the guys on the block saw Lola, they all wanted to know what the story was

So I told them about this big hot, heavy, romance we were having

But actually, she was going with this-

Little brat!

That's what my sister was!

A little brat!

And that's why I shaved her head!

I'm glad I shaved her head!

But then my father lost his job

So we had to leave El Paso

And we wound up in St. Louis, Missouri

Well, it was the furthest thing from my mind

To be a dancer but my mother would embarrass me so

When she'd come to pick me up at school

With all those great, big, yellow rollers in her hair

No matter how much I begged her and she'd say

"What? Are you ashamed of your own mother?"

But the thing that made my daddy laugh so much

Was when I used to jump and dance around the living room